How to respond when you see gender-based violence
5 Dec 2024
It takes a community to stand against violence.
Knowing how to respond as an ally or bystander to gender-based violence means that you can help the people around you while keeping yourself safe. The way you support someone may change depending on the circumstances, your relationship to the people involved and your ability to intervene safely.
Am I an ally or a bystander?
An ally is a person supporting someone they know, like a friend, family member, co-worker, or neighbour, over a period of time. Being an ally usually means being more intimately involved in supporting the person experiencing violence, checking in over days, weeks and sometimes years.
A bystander is a person who sees gender-based violence happening in a public setting, for example, in the street or on the train. An active bystander intervenes when it is safe to do so and supports the person experiencing violence for a short period of time.
Safety first
Whether you’re an ally or a bystander, safety must be at the core of any decisions you make when supporting someone. Before you intervene, consider whether your action may increase the risk to the person who is being abused or your own safety.
In any situation where someone is in physical danger, call the Police on Triple Zero (000).
How can I be an active ally?
Active allyship is essential in the stand against gender-based violence. Knowing how to respond and support a loved one experiencing harm could save a life. To be an active ally, follow the 5 R’s:
- Recognise: Watch out for and recognise red flags of an unhealthy relationship or gender-based violence.
- Respond: Check in with the person by asking, actively listening, reassuring and documenting.
- Respect: It is never the fault of the victim-survivor. Respect their choices, even if they choose to stay with the perpetrator. They know what is safest for them.
- Refer: As an ally, you don’t have to have all the answers. Show the person they have options by sharing the different forms of professional support that are available to them.
- Recover: Gender-based violence is upsetting and confronting. To support others, it’s important to take care of ourselves. Make sure you practice self-care and reach out for your own support if needed.
How can I be an active bystander?
It can be hard (and nerve-wrecking) to know how to interrupt gender-based violence while it’s happening but bystanders can play a big part in putting a stop to abuse.
Before you take action, the first step is to make sure it’s safe to do so. Then, you can follow the 5 D’s of being an active bystander, as developed by Right To Be.
- Distract: Think of a subtle, indirect way you can de-escalate the situation.
- Delegate: Get help intervening from a third-party close by.
- Document: If it is safe to do so, record evidence of an incident by either taking notes or recording with your phone.
- Delay: If you aren’t able to act during the incident, check in with the person afterwards to make sure they are ok.
- Direct: Assess safety first and speak up about the harassment. Be firm and clear.
It’s never the fault of the victim-survivor
To be a good ally or bystander, remember that it’s never the fault of the person experiencing gender-based violence. It’s also important not to judge the person for the way they respond to acts of gender-based violence – they will know what the safest option is.
It’s not the place of an ally or bystander to problem-solve, push the person to report the abuse, or replace a professional crisis service. It’s your job to be there to offer support, remind them that they aren’t alone and let the person know you are there for them.
Where to get support
There is always help available for people experiencing gender-based violence. For a full list of other supports available, visit our website here.
If someone’s physical safety is ever in danger, call Emergency Services on Triple Zero (000).
To join our community and access more 16 Days resources, sign up to our mailing list here.
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